Light Within

Personal File

No rules: Just walk.

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posted by S A J Shirazi @ Friday, January 31, 2025, 1 comment,

Mir Chakar Rind
Wednesday, 29 January 2025

An old, sleepy and tranquil village Satghara lies about 80 kilometers from Lahore (20 minutes drive away from Okara) in the quiet backwaters of the Punjab. The coins found at Satghara prove that the place was inhabited at the time of the Kushan dynasty. The rule of Kushans was one of the most decisive periods in the history of the Subcontinent. At the height in the second century (A.D.), Kushans ruled from Oxus to Ganges and yet their influence spread beyond even these frontiers. On the southern bank of the Ravi, it is a typical Pakistani village where farmers live like rustics in the face of urban attractions. Though off the beaten track, it has never been out of limelight. Besides heritage conscious travelers from all over the world, Baloch leaders and contemporary historians visit the hamlet. Reasons: it is a "Tukia Nawab Chakar Ki" - last resting-place of Mir Chakar Rind. I see part of our history buried here whenever I have a look at it. And when I was stationed at Okara Cantt, I did it often.

As per one account, Mir Chakar Rind came to this village with seven families, hence the name. Another legend has it that the village was named Satghara because it was destroyed seven times by floods. Shah Abul Mo'ali, descendant of sixteenth century saint Muhammad Ibrahim Daud-e-Sani Bandgi in his book 'Maqamat-e-Daudi' maintains that Satghara was known by the same name even before the arrival of Mir Chakar Rind. In Baloch history, the sixteenth century was a very eventful period. Baloch fought series of wars amongst themselves. The result of these tribal conflicts not only caused large-scale bloodshed but also resulted in their mass migrations to the Punjab, Sindh and Gujrat (India).
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posted by S A J Shirazi @ Wednesday, January 29, 2025, 1 comment,

Note to Self - 2025
Monday, 27 January 2025

No complaints. 

No expectations. 
No explanations. 
No emotions. 
No opinions {just observable facts}. 
No assumptions. 
No self-pity (playing victim). 
No unsolicited advice. 
No gossip (that is backbiting). 
No small lies. 
No big lies. 
No narcissists and negatives
Walk more than 10,000 steps every day. 

And limit screen time (and online discretion). 

Who can live within these boundaries?

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posted by S A J Shirazi @ Monday, January 27, 2025, 3 comments,

Imam Musa Kazam (A.S)
Sunday, 26 January 2025


 

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posted by S A J Shirazi @ Sunday, January 26, 2025, No comment,

"When you part ways, part tongues."

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posted by S A J Shirazi @ Sunday, January 26, 2025, 1 comment,

Romantic Gujrat
Saturday, 25 January 2025

This article appeared in the Daily The News

Pass the River Chanab and one starts thinking of romantic folklore Sohni Mahiwal, the last and decisive battle fought between British and Sikh forces. These saints left their marks in this part of the world, micro encephalic children called 'Daulay Shah k Choohay' (rats of Shah Daula) or world class industries that are Gujrat’s claims to fame. But what you see while travelling on Grand Trunk Road passing through Gujrat is the nerve jarring rattle of auto rickshaws, tangle of tongas and donkey carts vying for space with mechanical transport, vendors and shoppers and second hand cloths (landa) hung on the walls. Even the lately built bypass is as crowded and encroached upon.
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posted by S A J Shirazi @ Saturday, January 25, 2025, No comment,

Mothers are alchemists, all of them
Friday, 24 January 2025

Mail to a mother after she attended a parent-teacher meeting... 

I know today's teacher meeting was tough to hear, and it's natural to be worried about your daughter's performance. But please don't be too hard on yourself or Emaan. Children learn at their own pace, and A levels can be challenging.

You know that setbacks are a part of growth. Emaan is lucky to have a mother like you who cares deeply about her education. I am saying this sentence knowing what your grandmother (totally illiterate) did to me and all your uncles. I could sail through, whereas my brothers could not. Do you know what my mom used to say until her last day? I should have done more. I should have done more.

Instead of focusing on the current grades, let's work to create a plan to support Emaan in improving her studies. You could create a study schedule and make her sit in front of you and make her study. Everything is possible. Yes, everything is possible.

Remember, your daughter's success is not defined by one set of grades. She has so much potential, and she can achieve her goals with patience, guidance, and support.

Be an alchemist, a mother, and a role model, Let me once again be proud of you.

Love you, Father

posted by S A J Shirazi @ Friday, January 24, 2025, No comment,

I don't care who I lose anymore, as long as I don't lose myself again. I'm good.  

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posted by S A J Shirazi @ Thursday, January 23, 2025, No comment,

Shared applications

This article appeared in Daily the Nation


The advent of shared applications is a new way to meet some or almost all aspects of information technology (IT) needs. Concept of application service provision has come a long way since it first came on the scene in the late 1990s. Hi-tech developments and changes at a fast rate are moving towards convergence of the software, information, technology carriers, and computer engineering. Result: IT structural designs are shifting from desktop and mainframe environments towards Internet based structures. Similarly, software applications are altering from made to order and separately owned solutions towards pre-packaged and Web based solutions. It is in this context that ASP business model is getting more interest as a hot trend.

IT business model that offers end users – small and large businesses, government organizations, non-profits, and membership organizations even individuals -- an access to applications and services over the Internet is known as application service provider (ASP - not to be mixed with Active Server Pages. It also is an abbreviation of as soon as possible). It is sometime called software-as-a-service, on-demand computing, apps-on-tap or utility computing.
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posted by S A J Shirazi @ Thursday, January 23, 2025, No comment,

Shifting Lahore
Wednesday, 22 January 2025

Once the best address in Lahore was “the Lahore Fort,” now it is “the Defence. Only in past few decades, Lahore has grown rapidly (doubling in size in last ten years) to become an impressive cosmopolitan metropolitan. From a walled city — the posh locality of the time when Mughal Kings, Princes and Princesses used to roam about there, Lahore has grown into new localities like Defence Hosing Society and beyond. Though promenading along the canal, between the Mall Road and the Jail Road, shining in pristine glory at night through the heart of city,Main Boulevard or the Mall gives an idea of architectural style, prosperity and aesthetic sense of its citizens but it does not give all.

Lahore’s urban expanse has expanded into adjoining suburbs and has consumed many villages and agricultural land. The expansion, unplanned at that, has converted Lahore into a city where all civic amenities are over burdened left with no more carrying capacity. And a plethora of city development agencies, LDA, WASA, TEPA, WAPDA, PTCL, the Lahore Horticultural Authority, the Cantonment Board, the Model Town Society, the Defence Society, MCL, and District Administration (and more) with overlapping and ill defined roles and no body to oversee and coordinate their work, seem helpless to do any thing for the worsening plight of its residents. The officials of different departments blame every thing on lack of funds and lack of co-operation from other departments or accept the problems as hazards of urbanization,” say a political activist.
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posted by S A J Shirazi @ Wednesday, January 22, 2025, No comment,

Socially yours
Tuesday, 21 January 2025

In the first place, why do I register on different websites on the Internet, and why should you do it too? To stay tapped into what is happening in the cyber world and also what is not and to do some more things. Internet users want to access Websites to browse, post their own random or focused thoughts in weblogs, subscribe to a couple of USENET newsgroups of interest, avail of required services on offer, posts resume on a job, or maybe bio on matrimonial services sites, shops online or simply use Web-based email services. All users must do is register and cough up some personal information in the process. Not a big deal!



Big deal is that personal information spread fast on the Internet. Result: email Inbox privacy that is one of today's most sensitive and intricate issues affecting nearly everyone – individuals, businesses and Internet systems alike. Clued-up users who are in know of the matters want to protect their email inboxes though beginners or those who have lots of free time on hand usually do not care until later. Majority of the Websites first ask users to register and give some personally identifiable information including email address so that they can reach out potential customers and people with particular interests. "Over 90 percent Websites ask visitors to register," as per an estimate, for those 'great benefits' -- full use of the Website, membership to certain services or communities, subscription to newsletters and alerts and more.
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posted by S A J Shirazi @ Tuesday, January 21, 2025, No comment,

Where I Get My Supply of Salageet (Shilajit)
Monday, 20 January 2025

Some places are so peaceful and unspoiled that it is almost unbelievable. One such locality is the picturesque, tranquil, and pollution-free (and undeveloped) border village Arrandu in district Chitral. The very sound of the name is musical. This village is located 'on' the Pakistan-Afghanistan border. Dir-Chitral Road bifurcates near the village Mir Khanni and a jeep-able track along Kunar River leads to Arrandu through Domail Nisar and into Afghanistan.


Gateway to South Asia, the Chitral valley has been the center of activity since ancient times. Macedonians advanced through this region in the fourth century. In 1338, Timur subdued the area on his way to the plains of Punjab. Mughal King Akbar garrisoned here in 1587 and the British in 1897 in Chakdara on Dir side of Lowari Pass. Young Winston Churchill was among the soldiers who served here in Chakdara, who later became Britain's Prime Minister. So far about the past importance of the valley, the little hamlet got international fame during Soviet occupation in Afghanistan. It remained in the news and was commonly called as 'BBC Baby'.
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posted by S A J Shirazi @ Monday, January 20, 2025, No comment,

Good manners, strong ethics, and gracious silence are essential virtues that bring dignity and respect to any individual.

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posted by S A J Shirazi @ Monday, January 20, 2025, 2 comments,

Emoticon impact
Friday, 17 January 2025

This article appeared in Spider.tm

The tiny winy sequences of type characters referred to as smileys or emoticons are universal among those who live on the web across cultures throughout the cyber world. Sometimes amusing and at times meaningful, smileys are used in electronic communication to enrich the meaning of text-based messages.

The idea of graphically depicting human emotions is not new. BBC claims that “the original smiley was created in 1964 by commercial artist Harvey Ball.” Russian writer Vladimir Nobaokov, who authored Lolita, answered a question in 1969 and was quoted by Scott E. Fahlman as saying, “I often think there should exist a special typographical sign for a smile—some sort of concave mark, a supine round bracket.”
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posted by S A J Shirazi @ Friday, January 17, 2025, No comment,

Texting
Thursday, 16 January 2025

We are living through texting times. It is time when the surgeon performs a life-saving surgery in Africa with instructions texted from a friend in London, the trucker crashes into a pool because he was texting while driving, the 15-year-old girl wins 50,000 for texting – in a championship, the Finnish author writes an entire book in text messages, the teenager girl falls in a manhole while texting, the Brit woman sets the record for world's fastest SMS texting, the man sets the world record for the most text messages sent in a month – over 180,000, the two men get a $26k bill trying to set a text messaging record, the girl sends 200 messages to help Haiti, the mobile company tries to set the record for world's fastest texting while skydiving and more, when Christian Lander, author of Stuff White People Like predicts that “there is a good chance that all great stories in the twenty-first century will be told via text message and when books like Texts From Last Night: no one remembers sending are creating waves.

Share your revealing, funny, substantial, and engaging text messages in the comment section here. I will publish them while concealing the identity of the sender and or receiver.Read more »

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posted by S A J Shirazi @ Thursday, January 16, 2025, No comment,

Abbas Khan in Sabaq-e-Urdu
Tuesday, 14 January 2025


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posted by S A J Shirazi @ Tuesday, January 14, 2025, No comment,

Fading romance of writing letters and greetings
Saturday, 11 January 2025

The sense of financial, social or personal insecurity has blemished the traditional joy and excitement associated with Eid ul Fitr this year. The series of terror attacks, skyrocketing inflation and the sluggish economy have changed even our cultural landscape. Result: Like many cultural hallmarks of festive days, the old tradition of buying greeting cards and sending them to friends and family member seems to be fading away.

Exchange of greeting cards plays an important role in display of love, affection, emotions and nearness. In our society, it has been an established tradition to send greetings on Eid days as well as on occasions like birthdays, marriages, charismas, New Year, on passing exams just to name a few.
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posted by S A J Shirazi @ Saturday, January 11, 2025, No comment,

 Let things be, don't force anything. 

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posted by S A J Shirazi @ Friday, January 10, 2025, No comment,

Reliving Memories
Thursday, 9 January 2025

This article appeared in Daily The Nation

There are lessons in the first landscapes of every one's life. Mine is a vista of green paddy fields, smoking with Salt Range mist, against a setting of ribbon of River Jhelum which from distance looked like a shore of another land altogether. The rough, rugged hill range appears very inviting against a sky withering with the morning, interrupted by the dawns’ red and blue brush strokes. My first learning in life is also rooted in my village.


In rural areas, people still live without accessible roads or other civic amenities of this modern age that are taken for granted in the urban areas. No telephone or the Internet, (in our village) even electricity is a recent phenomenon; so many villages are still without it. You see one village and you have seen all. This was the setting where I spent the first twenty years of my life savoring the freedom of adulthood. It is where I decided what (and how) I wanted to do with life. It is where my mother, brothers, and friends live. It is where I return whenever my active life allows me to. It is where I want to settle and spend my future.
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posted by S A J Shirazi @ Thursday, January 09, 2025, No comment,

Forever doesn't exist...

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posted by S A J Shirazi @ Wednesday, January 08, 2025, No comment,

Khalid 4 and beyond

When I joined 55 PMA Long Course, I landed up in K-4. Rest is all history. And good thing is that Brig (Retd) Jalal Hameed Bhati has documented the history and published it – a yearlong hard and meticulous work. Result is that I am reliving history (and contemplating why I did what I did and how life took me on unknown path). I feel as if it is all about me. I am sure other platoon mates will be feeling the same way.

I will offer my comment after I read the book that I got today (Thanks to Nauman Siddiqui). Let me add that this is not military history but personal memorabilia that reflects upon comradeship and association of about four decades. Also, this kind of work is first of its nature in the history of the Pakistan Army. No other platoon or even a course has been documented this way. This will give a lot to the family of 55 PMA and the next generations.


Thanks Jalal HB, tuse waqiae great ho.

55 PMA Blog by Jalal HB

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posted by S A J Shirazi @ Wednesday, January 08, 2025, No comment,

Hari Yupuya to Harappa

Research by Sonia Saleem

Harappa or “Hari-Yupuya” as mentioned in the “Rig Veda” marked the height of urban development of the Indus valley civilization at 2600 B.C.E till 1900 B.C.E. for 700 years. Harappa is located in the present day province of Punjab, near Gogera, and in its full glory was the perfect prototype of a fully developed city of the Indus valley civilization. It was the perfect reflection of the kind of organized thought which the Rig Veda emphasized. [Wheeler, Kenoyer].[go over page 25 at the end].

Harappa has the same humble beginnings as any other large city. It began as a village settlement, gradually growing over the centuries to accommodate renowned craft industries, world accessible markets, and clean residential areas and cemeteries. Harappa is 128,800 hinterland, and 150 hectares in area. Harappa city was so developed and central to the Indus Empire that the name Harappa became synonymous with the dominant culture at the time, followed by all the other cities in the Indus region, right down to Kutch on the coast in present day India. [Rehman, Kenoyer].
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posted by S A J Shirazi @ Wednesday, January 08, 2025, No comment,

Celebrating Abbas Khan – a story writer
Tuesday, 7 January 2025

Abbas Khan is one of the moist celebrated story writers of our time. His other published work includes three novels and seven short story books (Zakham Gawah Hain, Tu Aur Tu and Mein Aur Umrao Jan Ada (novels), Dharti Binam Akash, Tensikh-e-Insan, Qalam, Kursi Aur Wardi, Us Adalat Men, Jism Ka Johar (short story books) and Reza Reza Keenat and Pal Pal (afsancha -- shortest story books) and a philosophical compilation Din Mein Charagh.


Though there are many in Pakistan, both in English and Urdu languages, with claims to be masters of the fiction writing, what makes Abbas Khan the standout by a distance is that his is no ordinary story writing. One only calls it such as a matter of convenience, or perhaps for wan of an expression capable of summing up his piece in one work. In effect, what Abbas Khan gives you is substance that goes far beyond a fiction piece, for he just doesn’t write about social issues and society. Each of his story is a free flowing specimen, with most knowledgeable description of dreams, wishes, culture, vision and yes, love woven into the story - and in language that is fluent and crisp, and also at places containing a fair dose of humor and sarcasm. The work that he presents turns most of his work into literary masterpieces.
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posted by S A J Shirazi @ Tuesday, January 07, 2025, No comment,

Anything a man loves, he takes care of. Remember that.

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posted by S A J Shirazi @ Monday, January 06, 2025, No comment,

Almost famous

Excuse me, Jalal HB writes this:

My friend SAJS is very nostalgic about his past – his childhood days when he would jump in the canal flowing next to his village, like all others kid of his village did in the summers. He would watch children playing pebbles, a favourite game in the villages, or perhaps he also joined in and bagged all the pebbles from others (or perhaps lost all of his own and went sobbing home).

When he grew up, he was put to the village school that was the day when a writer was born far away in a small village near Mandi Bahauddin. He would often write small words on the sand, which probably made a theme for him to write a book later in his literary life. He had a passion for reading and writing since his childhood, I would say and this is what reflects from most of his posts. Perhaps for this reason, he loved writing letters and sending eid cards to his friends and family when he moved out of his village for higher education. In one of his recent posts, he has expressed his love for these greeting cards and has also displayed a greeting banner I once drew and posted on the notice board of our academy where we both happened to be undergoing training.
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posted by S A J Shirazi @ Monday, January 06, 2025, No comment,

Fog in Lahore

Winter in sprawling Lahore spells horror for thousands of residents. Not because of cold but due to the phenomenon of smog. Let your gaze roam over the cityscape while standing on top of the Yadgar-e-Pakistan and one finds how the skyline of the minarets and domes looks dark and sad against the clouds of thick smog.

The fog is triggered by temperature inversion -- the formation of a static layer of cooler air close to the ground as the nighttime temperature drops. Normally, air closer to the ground is warmer than the air above it, and therefore rises. Inversions are frequent on winter nights after the ground has cooled down so much that it begins to chill the air closest to it often causing mist to form as water vapor precipitates on dust particles. Normally the morning sun swiftly breaks through the mist and heats the ground, which warms the air above it, breaking the inversion.
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posted by S A J Shirazi @ Monday, January 06, 2025, No comment,

Going back to nature
Saturday, 4 January 2025

This article appeared in Pakistan Armed Forces' Monthly Magazine Hilal (Urdu section) in July 2011 issue.




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posted by S A J Shirazi @ Saturday, January 04, 2025, No comment,

‘Blogocracy’: Tri-city UnConference Lahore Camp

Pakistan blogosphere is growing fast. Thanks to the Second the Annual Pakistan Blog Awards and the series of tri-city UnConferences aimed to bring leadership to Pakistan’s New Media voices that the awareness is also growing. Pakistani bloggers now have a very loud voice in this din.

Latest, presentation of awards and UnConference session (last of the series ths year) held in Lahore on Jan 4, 2012 in FAST is a testimony to how blogs have become mainstream. In the UnConference, the group of able panelists, who seemed to be in know if the new opportunities being presented by social media - highlighted the role of blogs in all fields of human activities while most of the audience live streamed every thing discussed there. Here are my suggestions for effective and intelligent blogocracy (read democracy) in a very local context:
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posted by S A J Shirazi @ Saturday, January 04, 2025, No comment,

The Decline of Urdu Newspapers
Friday, 3 January 2025

Urdu newspapers have long been a staple of Pakistani media, but their quality and relevance have been declining in recent years. While the majority of Pakistani readers still consume news in Urdu, many newspapers struggle with poor design, cluttered layouts, and a lack of engaging content.

One major issue is the excessive use of advertisements, which often dominate the front page and inner pages. This makes it difficult for readers to find the content they are looking for, such as opinion pieces or feature articles. Additionally, the ads themselves are often poorly designed and cluttered, further detracting from the overall reading experience.

Another problem is the lack of innovation in the design and layout of Urdu newspapers. Many newspapers still use traditional formats and styles, even though digital technology has opened up new possibilities for more engaging and visually appealing content.

Urdu newspapers need to change if they are to remain relevant in the modern world. Editors and designers need to prioritize quality content and user experience over advertising revenue. They should also embrace new technologies and formats to create more engaging and visually appealing newspapers.

Ultimately, it is up to readers to demand better quality newspapers. By expressing their dissatisfaction with the current state of affairs, readers can encourage newspapers to make the necessary changes.

Urdu newspapers have a lot of potential, but they need to modernize and improve their quality if they are to survive in the long term. By working together, readers and publishers can create a new generation of Urdu newspapers that are both informative and engaging.

I urge all Urdu newspaper readers to take action and demand better quality newspapers. Let your voice be heard and help to bring about the change we need.

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posted by S A J Shirazi @ Friday, January 03, 2025, No comment,

Family Dynamic
Thursday, 2 January 2025

XAI

A dysfunctional (call it broken) family dynamic often develops when the primary breadwinner, traditionally seen as the head of the household, is systematically weakened and sidelined by his spouse and children. Instead of respecting his role, the family collectively undermines his authority, dismisses his decisions, and excludes him from important matters. This creates an imbalance where his contributions, particularly financial ones, are taken for granted, while his influence in the household steadily erodes. Over time, this dynamic leads to frustration, resentment, and a breakdown in family cohesion.

One of the key signs of this dysfunction is the constant undermining of the breadwinner’s authority. His opinions are ignored or ridiculed, his attempts to enforce rules are met with defiance, and major family decisions are made without his input. In some cases, the spouse or even the children take on dominant roles, leaving him with little say in how the household is run. This role reversal can be especially emasculating if he is criticized for not being "strong enough" or compared unfavourably to other fathers or husbands (BA). The more his authority is challenged, the more he may withdraw, which only worsens the cycle of disrespect.

The consequences of this dynamic are far-reaching. Without a stable leadership structure, the household becomes chaotic, with frequent conflicts and ‘power’ struggles. Children may grow up without a clear sense of authority, mimicking the dismissive behaviour they see at home. The breadwinner himself may feel increasingly powerless, leading to stress, low self-esteem, or even depression. If left unaddressed, this pattern can damage relationships long-term, teaching children unhealthy ways to interact with authority figures in their own future families.

To fix this imbalance, the family must recognize the problem and work toward healthier communication. Open discussions and will to keep the family intact can help restore mutual respect. The breadwinner may need to reassert his role, while the rest of the family should acknowledge his contributions. Rebuilding trust and setting clear boundaries can help restore balance, ensuring that the household functions smoothly and that all members feel valued. But, unfortunately, none of the kids or the wife wants to do that.

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posted by S A J Shirazi @ Thursday, January 02, 2025, No comment,

Hazrat Ammar Bin Yasir (RA)


What did Imam Ali (AS) said about Hazrat Ammar Bin Yasir (RA)

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posted by S A J Shirazi @ Thursday, January 02, 2025, No comment,

Blog in haste, repent in leisure

The Internet is a newer platform characterized by a large, open, public network where people interact with people worldwide without any barriers like geography, culture, age, social class, or gender. It is unlike the real world, where people with their own identities come together face to face. Online, users are a little less perceptive about their identities.


Having an identity is not a new concept. Everyone has had at least one since the dawn of civilization, ascribed identity. Anthropologists and sociologists have been discussing different aspects of identity ever since. But identity has never been a general problem until now.
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posted by S A J Shirazi @ Thursday, January 02, 2025, No comment,

How can I learn to let go?
Wednesday, 1 January 2025

XAI

I am 71 and a father of five. After serving for 26 years in the army, I am now ‘playing the second inning,’ working as Provost in one of the great universities in the country.

Romantic and emotional at heart, I always assumed my partner would be my safe space, but that did not happen. Over time, my wife (a housewife) has become rather difficult. There is a visible shift in her behavior. She is loudly critical, demanding, and nagging, holding back all kinds of affection. Worst of all, her behavior often pitches me against our son (and it becomes difficult for me to avoid and save face). In fact, instead of being my safe space, she has turned into another battle in my life.

Digging into the past, a longstanding issue has been our disagreement about my financial support for my parents - a commitment deeply rooted in my personal, religious, and cultural beliefs. This disagreement has shaped the narrative of our family life and strained our relationship since the beginning. With the passing of my parents, I now grapple with lingering feelings of loss and guilt, wishing I could have done more for them during their lifetimes.

Moreover, meaningful conversations between my wife and me are thwarted by her unwillingness to engage in rational discussions. Whenever I attempt to convey my perspective, I am met with dismissal. She often retorts, “You have answers to everything,” which stifles the possibility of constructive dialogue. As a result, I frequently feel unheard, and unresolved issues linger like shadows over our interactions.

Unfortunately, my wife has consistently refused to acknowledge her mistakes or take responsibility for her actions. Moreover, she has shown no willingness to work towards resolving our issues and restoring a sense of normalcy to our relationship. She doesn’t hesitate to put me down in front of children. Shielding behind the children and refusing to communicate or find a resolution has left me frustrated, hurt, and unsure about our future together (whatever is left of the future). This behavior has shredded my self-esteem…

Our kids grew up in a house where arguments were the norm. Seeing daily bickering, disputes, and shouting matches had a big impact on them.

Life's struggles have made me frugal (call me miser). With my legacy already destined for family, I prioritize prudence, questioning the value of excessive spending. For instance, I ask myself: why invest in repairing the floor when the luxurious drawing room offers no sense of comfort?

Thanks to my full-time job, my days are consumed by work. Staying home constantly would have been even more isolating (I had a daunting experience during COVID-19). At my home, it feels like living in a temporary residence, distant from the comforts of home.

I don't want to take extreme steps after 45 years of marriage and 5 kids, but I keep thinking that I don’t deserve this. This worry is getting serious with every passing day.

How will I spend my old age? One of my daughters once said, “Think about those who don’t have anyone to live with.” Another one added, “Allah is the best of planners. He will make up for what you don’t have.”

One of the girls, who I think is very bold and the wisest, says, “You have lost your chances due to your weakness. Now, the only thing you can do is endure with grace.”

None of the kids is in a position to influence any of us. Seeing me in miserable condition, children privately sympathize with me, but that is about all they can do. I am sure the kids sympathize with their mother, too. They should, though it is difficult for them to balance. Children, perhaps, can't choose between the two of us.

The situation is taking a toll on our son for two reasons. On one hand, he's deeply concerned about both of us and our well-being. On the other hand, he's hesitant to involve his newlywed wife, likely due to her perceptiveness. Despite his wife’s probable suspicions, we're all maintaining a facade of normalcy so far.

Lately, I've noticed my daughters becoming distant and quiet as if they're giving me the silent treatment. They have been withdrawing from me emotionally, and it's causing concern. I'm unsure how to bridge the gap between us.

I have been following the troubling stories surrounding local TV actor Firdous Jamal. Rumors of his separation after 35 years of marriage, alongside his health struggles (battle with cancer) and the ensuing controversies, claims, and counterclaims by his son, are unsettling reminders of the fragility of relationships.

I asked myself about the solution to my mental miseries and the answer was, “All this is a result of expectations, assumptions, and complaints. Stop expecting, complaining, (and assuming), you will be perfectly all right.”

After careful consideration, I've come to believe that my wife's behavior has significantly impacted me (beyond any reprisal). Despite this, I've decided to take the high road and forgive her. Moving forward, I aim to prioritize our family's well-being by being more accommodating, avoiding arguments, and ensuring a peaceful home environment, not for the sake of our relationship, but for the benefit and happiness of our children.

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posted by S A J Shirazi @ Wednesday, January 01, 2025, No comment,


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