Light Within: Love, and move on

Love, and move on
Friday, 16 December 2011

Love is a beautiful feeling that has touched each and every one of us at some time in our life. The meaning of love varies to each individual, but trust, honesty, respect and understanding is common in any form of love. We as humans experience love at different stages in life. Most of us have experience the teenage love, where we built a cocoon to ponder ourselves with our lover. But as we mature with age we experience love at different level and in a way love also mature with us. With life experience we begin to deepen our understanding with each other, we learn the lesson to be patient and able to tolerate the storms that by pass the relationship. But above all even the strongest relationships fail and the most difficult struggle starts from there.

When you think of your past love, you may view it as a failure. But when you find a new love, you view the past as a teacher. In the game of love, it really doesn't matter who won or who lost. What is important is you know when to hold on and when to let go. You know when you really love someone when you want him or her to be happy, even if his or her happiness means that you are not a part of it. Love is a sacrifice and everything happens for the best. If the person you love doesn't love you back, don't be afraid to love someone else again, for you'll never know unless you give it a try. You'll never love a person unless you take the risk for love. Love strives in hurting. If you don't get hurt, you don't learn how to love. Love doesn't hurt all the time, though the hurting is still there to test you and help you grow. Don't try to find love, let love find you. That is why it is called falling in love because you don't force yourself to fall, you just fall. You cannot finish a book without closing its chapters. If you want to go on, then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages. Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress. It is a lifetime venture in which we are always learning, discovering and growing. The greatest irony of love is letting go when you need to hold on and holding on when you need to let go. We lose someone we love only when we are destined to find someone else who can love us even more than we can love ourselves. On falling out of love, take some time to heal and then get back on the line. Don't ever make the same mistake of riding the same one that threw you the first time. Love is a risk, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is risking nothing. To reach for another is to risk involvement, to expose your feelings is to expose true self; to love is to risk not to be loved in return.

How to define love: fall but do not stumble, be constant but not too persistent, share and never be unfair. Understand and try not to demand, hurt but keep the pain. Love is like a knife. It can stab the heart or it can carve wonderful images into the soul that always last for a lifetime. Love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling. It should inspire you and give you joy and strength. Sometimes the things that give you joy can also hurt you in the end. Loving people means giving them freedom that they choose to be and where they choose to be. Loving someone means giving them the freedom to find their way, whether it leaves towards you or away from you. Love is a painful risk to take but the risk must be taken no matter how scary or painful, for only then you'll experience the fullness of humanity and that is love. Only love can hurt your heart, fill you with desire or tear you apart. Only love can make you cry and only love knows why. If you are not ready to cry, if you are not ready to take that risk, or feel the pain, then you are not ready to fall in love. There was a time in our lives when we became afraid to fall in love because every time we do, we get hurt. And that's why it is called falling in love. When you decide to love, allow it to grow. When you promise to love, refuse to let it die.

Closure is simply an acceptance that the relationship you once had is now over. You are no longer partners. You are once again two separate individuals who are now free to look for a more compatible partner. Closure requires letting go. Some people take their closure once their ex becomes involved with a new love, some take their closure after a month or two of no contact and no attempted reconciliation occurs, some take their closure when they meet someone new and feel a true interest in moving forward with the new person and some may never let go of the feelings they have .Everyone is different.

It is almost never easy to let go of the past. Often, gathering the courage to move on in your life can be one of the hardest challenges you have ever faced. It is completely natural and the essence of human nature. Getting over someone can sometimes appear to be impossible. It feels really bad when you fall in love with someone you can’t have but it feels even worse when you become sure that this relationship you are in can never work. A look at something mutual will bring in an avalanche of past memories and will take away your peace within a moment. The past may be very destructive. It kills the individual, it kills the present along with the future. It can haunt an individual forever. And if your break up occurred simply because of unfaithfulness of your companion, it'll hurt you a lot more. The memories of time shared will haunt you forever. You will find no simple ways out of this. Some of us will never come out of the grief. For some it may take years or a life time to let go of their past love and move forward.

Be sad as much as you can and feel the hurt the lost love has given you. Feel everything fully, suffer from all the discomfort and attempt to empty out all that's within your heart. This is really painful. But if you need to live again, this is the way out.. Many of us hide our hurt, avoid thinking about the excellent moments shared together and in all possible ways try to be so busy that the feelings do not come out at all. But the feelings are very much there inside consuming away our vitals. These feelings will never enable you to move forward in a constructive way. You will be thinking of your bygone love which will make you mentally unhealthy.

Eliminate everything from the mind along with the heart by reliving. You may no longer feel the hurt and the discomfort with the same intensity, but it will be very challenging to fall in love with another individual once more with the identical intensity and this is reality.

Your loved one that left you has taken away something very crucial from you, your faith in goodness of human beings. But after emptying out totally, you'll at least grow to be a regular individual, who can carry on with life again.

"Moving on doesn’t mean you have to forget what someone once meant to you. Sometimes, it means holding onto the lesson while letting go of the person."

Labels: Relationship, Sajini Chandrasekera

posted by S A J Shirazi @ Friday, December 16, 2011,

10 Comments:

At 1:39 PM PKT, S A J Shirazi said...: Is there a move on in love Sajani? Nice narrative. I enjoyed reading it.
At 1:53 PM PKT, sajini said...: @ Javed...
well.....some relationships are very strong and how much you try to forget and move on , you simply cant and i personelly think these are kind od love that would stand with anything....Some relationships break not coz of the two partners but due to the envoirenment around them or so called out side influencess. Most people move on their lives after a break up but some lovers are left where they stopped...They simply can't move on with their lives and it's not their fault , it's the strength of their love...
At 2:23 PM PKT, Anonymous said...: Forgetting some one close is the hardest. I've tried but failed and still thinking of him. Though it's easy to say than done....
At 2:33 PM PKT, prageeth said...: Avery good topic to discuss. It's not easy as you say, it takes lot of courage to forget the memories and the person behind your smiles....And perhaps never over come the loss...
At 3:39 PM PKT, sajini said...: @ Anonymous....
I agree with you that it's very difficult to forget some one you truly loved. In one point of your life that person became your life, your strength, your courage and your happiness. But there was a reason for you to seperate and now you two are different individuals. Keep those memories in your heart always , but try to move on with your life.
At 3:46 PM PKT, sajini said...: @ Prageeth......
I know it's not easy to forget some one you love. And i always beleive that if two people in love are destined to be together no matter what they always get together even after break ups. Some people just cant move on with their lives as they have shared so much together. And i feel these kind of loves are very rare but they exists....But even with time if you two cant get together then it's time to keep the memories and let go of the person...
At 4:21 PM PKT, Durrani said...: Lovely. I enjoyed reading it and especially appreciate "fall but do not stumble, be constant but not too persistent, share and never be unfair. Understand and try not to demand, hurt but keep the pain". WOW!
Keep it up
At 1:09 PM PKT, sajini said...: @ Durrani....
Thank you.. Love cannot be expressed with just feelings. It has lot cores of it's own and it's never easy to forget a past love and get on with life, but it's not immpossible as well....Love is the most beautiful feeling in the world and only people who are in love know's it's best...
At 3:43 PM PKT, Masha Wickramasinghe said...: Loved reading it! Great work!! You really have explored "past loves" in detail. "Your loved one that left you has taken away something very crucial from you, your faith in goodness of human beings. But after emptying out totally, you'll at least grow to be a regular individual, who can carry on with life again."

"Past love" means in was in the past. While it may take a while to heal, (for some it takes more than others) I am a believer in letting go. If it's broken, it's broken for a reason. I believe that every heart break is a teacher and we are students of life. Life is a journey to experienced instead of hanging on. I am a fan of "If I can't make it happen, then find it something I can make happen"
At 10:15 AM PKT, sajini said...: @ Masha Wickramasinghe....
Thank you for your wonderful comment. As you say past love is in the past and we should move on with the future. But for most of us letting go of some one we loved is the most difficult task to do. Every wound take time to heal but with time it will heal, maybe some scars remain but mostly we'll be able to move on. And as you say rather than dwelling in past , it's better to find a love where you feel secure and loved for who you are.