What's a Modern Girl to Do?
September 03, 2007
This extract sets the tone of her discourse, “My mom gave me three essential books on the subject of men. The first, when I was 13, was "On Becoming a Woman." The second, when I was 21, was "365 Ways to Cook Hamburger." The third, when I was 25, was "How to Catch and Hold a Man," by Yvonne Antelle. ("Keep thinking of yourself as a soft, mysterious cat... Men are fascinated by bright, shiny objects, by lots of curls, lots of hair on the head . . . by bows, ribbons, ruffles and bright colors... Sarcasm is dangerous. Avoid it altogether.")
I want to point out to another option to Maureen Dowd, every one else who are in know of the matter or are in the power play. Please opt out! Excuse me, it is not only me (speaking from eastern and conservative cultural background), Another celebrated western writer Liza Belkin also said something similar in her article titled The Opt-Out Revolution that also appeared in the New Your Times sometime back.
Simply put, opt out option is this: Opt out from the power play. Create a powerful generation instead.
posted by Shirazi @ 2:00 PM,
19 Comments:
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At 9:55 AM PKT,
Fahd Mirza said...
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If you permit me shirazi, I would say that the 'opt out' option can be applied to both genders, if you term it as 'Let go'. The craving for getting and then holding on to everything is what made us all cynical and lunatics. Relinquishing even some of it can benefit us all in a huge way.
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At 10:27 AM PKT,
chosha said...
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Good advice - there's been enough game-playing between the sexes.
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At 10:28 AM PKT,
RisingSlowly said...
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There was never any power play between me and the man who I thought loved me. I'm not sure what to call the kind of man he was and is. I gave my all and he took my all. But at least I gave; that is something that I can be proud of.
Thanks, Shi, for forwarding me this. I have been feeling down this past weekend and have not been visiting many blogs.
I do, however, feel better now. It's amazing what talking to somebody who also knew him does for my confidence in myself again. I can see that I accepted damaged goods when I invited that man into my life; but I just didn't know it.
Regards
maria -
At 12:13 PM PKT,
Hasan Mubarak said...
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The third, when I was 25, was "How to Catch and Hold a Man,"
Quite true for the Western woman. However, here, in the east and the less developed part of the world, keeping in view the act of domestic violence, a book titled "1001 ways of Personal Defence" should be most preferable.. -
At 3:20 PM PKT,
Alina said...
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I think the gender issue will always be a complicated one. Mostly because most of us fail to see the middle way. The either/or way of thinking is somehting that we love the most. You can be quite feminine in what outfit is concerned, you do not have to swear never to use make up, and still fight against violence, discrimination and other higher goals. As for men, most of them, just like women sometimes do, tend to take certain things for granted and never try them on their own. They hear it's nice to have a nice looking younger wife (not that smart if possible) so they don't even bother trying to see how it would be with the opposite of that.
Also, we all give up trying all too soon! Busy schedules, lots of competition, the need to be pampered at times and left alone at other times, the need to find a way to cope with work, relationship and kids at the same time...this is all too much for us and we'd rather give it up!
Whoever invented the idea that a carier woman cannot be a good mother? I've seen fulltime mothers that I would have really beaten up at times...what's the point in spendind the whole day with your kid if in that time you give him/her no attention? And who invented the fact that the kids are only the mom's problem? I know I would rather have one or two hours a day with my child and give him/her all the attention, advice and love possible in that time than to be around and do something else, feeling way to frustrated because I am bored.
Things are complicated, and how do we solve them? Men chose housewives that they cheat on or misstreat, women stay single, often being single mothers. There are rare cases of people finding a solution and of course these cases are never in the media spotlights.
I believe Cosmo and FHM are inexisting miths about men and women that we choose to adopt instead of looking for our true identity. -
At 3:20 PM PKT,
Alina said...
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Sorry for the long comment Shi! :) Very interesting topic.
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At 7:36 PM PKT,
Deb S. said...
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I agree with Fahd.
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At 11:09 PM PKT,
Doug said...
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If someone had given Dowd "How To Enable A Neurotic Moron" she'd have married. Maybe me. I find her pretty attractive.
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At 11:44 PM PKT,
Teresa said...
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None of those books are going to help! :) I am not sure there is any one way to deal with either of the sexes. It is lucky, chemistry and a few other thingss.
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At 6:48 AM PKT,
Deb S. said...
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Just for fun, let me throw another piece of literature into the fray. The Nation recently published an article on this topic: Desperate Housewives of the Ivy League? Katha Pollitt penned this commentary.
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At 8:34 AM PKT,
Tanzila said...
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We get frustrated when we try to fit ourselves in the gender stereotypes that the society has created around us. why does everything comes down to forcing oneself to make a choice, either of the two? There should be a middle way and a balanced approach. Life is about juggling the numerous balls in the air anyways. The modern girl once through with the task of conquering the world and vanquishing the demons, wants to recoil in a corner, and in that corner she wants to have a someone to fallback upon, to hold on to...A heart and a hearth...
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At 8:40 AM PKT,
Shirazi said...
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DCS - the article you mentioned substentiate what Liza Belkin has said. This adds another aspect in this issue. Help us solve the issue and tell us what is and what should be, today and in your part of the world.
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At 9:11 AM PKT,
Li'l Miss Eunice said...
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now THIS IS SOMETHING I TOTALLY AGREE WITH. there really is no point in the battle of the sexes, i dont think we should try to prove that the other gender cant live without the other. let's all live to complement each other. there is nothing wrong with being a beautiful woman for as long as you are being beautiful because you want to and not because you want men to merely notice you. There's nothing wrong with being a strong man if your being strong isnt a product of wanting women to adore you.
Men and women should recognize the fact that we can live different lives and at the same time be able to empower each other.
Nice article.. and thanks for visiting my blog. I'll see you around. -
At 9:45 AM PKT,
~Daydreamer~ said...
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Shirazi, thanks for emailing me about this :) I should be here more often. I agree with Fahd.
Doug: Should we start contacting Ms Dowd ;)?
What I want to say is it's not about the feminist movement or whatever. I also agree the "image" of the modern girl is constantly changing.
However, no matter how successful a woman may get, she still needs love and wants to be looked at as a desirable female from her partner/hubby.
Another thing is that the media should do something about it. Women still buy (and love!) Cosmo magazine and others alike. Again, the media is to blame for making Pamela Anderson, Paris Hilton & Jessica Simpson seem like the types of women men crave and go after. So, why shouldn't they follow?? (I hate all three women by the way as they are only dolls and not naturally looking ones either!)
I believe the right thing is for a woman to be a combo of both- having to do what she likes/believes in and being successful and good at it and also being a female such as a loving wife :)
And there's no need for battle between the sexes or trying to do things that would ONLY impress the opposite sex. We do complement/balance men as they do balance us, women. There's no need to prove anything!
For what my opinion is worth anyway...
Shi: I will blog about the Pakistan tragedy. I know I'm late, but I will. Happy Eid! -
At 6:29 AM PKT,
'ka said...
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wow... i come here a bit late... so many good comments already... but i do agree with fahd's comment... 'let go' might be a better term
i dunno how it started, somehow everything goes so fast... it's already the year of 2005 and soon 2006. women can choose what they wanna do. i personally don't care what other women decide to do with their life. however, it'd be better if they know all the consequences they'll have to deal with later and be prepared about it -
At 11:04 AM PKT,
Marz said...
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You know, from someone who comes from a conservative Easten background, I thought you would -- pardon me -- relish in the power play. Most conservative people do not allow the women to empower themselves and shame them into ever thinking so. I too am from an Eastern culture, however, NOT a conservative. (I have conservative parents, though.) So your other option took me by surprise.
I think the reason there is a lot of disputes between genders and a lot of gender related issues is because SOCIETY makes us think that it is a problem of gender. Then people shift it to power, and the whole thing gets messed up because the problem itself wasn't tackled.
I always believed that the nourishing/caring and the "bringing home the bacon" is something available for both genders. None of that 'it's God-given role' crap. (Pardon me. Even though I am Catholic I am staunch to not believing in that.) There should be balance. If you are able to do it, then do it. Gender should not be an issue nor a hinderance. -
At 11:42 AM PKT,
Rose said...
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Getting a good man take prayer, good timing, and good communication. She is attractive-but bitter...
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At 12:40 AM PKT,
Absar said...
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Quoting Hasan Mubarak:
The third, when I was 25, was "How to Catch and Hold a Man,"
Quite true for the Western woman. ...
As far as my observation goes, the how-to-catch-and-hold-a-man is given out to 16-year old girls in our society. -
At 4:26 PM PKT,
Malaika said...
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keeping in mind the recent changes that have taken place in our society, i agree with absar....girls should be given that book when they are 16 there is no point waiting till they are 21!
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